Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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