I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
