I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
