I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it because I queefed?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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