Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry about my life...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
