Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
