Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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