i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize