Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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