is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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