also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
