In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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