I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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