just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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