Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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