So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
