Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I didn't shave. On purpose
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
