Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
