i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
