they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
