In the future we'll all be gay
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
