Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am one with the molecules
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize