I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
