I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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