Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
