I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
