I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize