pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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