need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
