he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
