Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
