That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
