last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
