just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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