Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
