We're facebook friends in real life
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
