hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
