My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
