i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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