just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
