then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
