Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
