That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
