dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
