your room smells of hookers.
And success
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize