I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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