wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
