pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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