Tell her she can't have a vagina
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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