Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
