Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
