You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize