But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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