he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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