Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
