ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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