guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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