The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
