oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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