apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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