So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
